Unable to say it...

Second day patching Jeremiah's eye went better, he managed to go about 15 minutes without fussing, but I didn't force him to try it twice today. He worked so hard with OT today that I didn't want to overwhelm him since we had church tonight and also because he's getting circumcised tomorrow, but I'll get to that in a minute.
So, tonight at church we had a guest speaker and turns out he has a special needs child. I don't know why, but right away I feel a connection to a person as soon as that is mentioned. Why?
I can't seem to come to grasp that my child IS special needs because to me, he is a "normal" baby. Yes he has medical issues and he is delayed, but I can't get myself to say "special needs". Maybe it's because I don't know if he is going to be labeled special needs, or I pray everyday he isn't. Is it too much to hope that my child will grow up to be a "normal" and be in a regular class room? Or one day lead a "normal" life?
When do you actually come to realize whether or not your child will do these things? This whole waiting process is HARD! Or maybe deep down in me I believe that he will be in a mainstream class and continue to develop normally when he gets caught up on all his milestones... Sometimes I just wish I had the answers and could foresee what the future held, but I don't and I guess in the end that does make me stronger. I believe that how hard you push your child has a lot to do with how they will develop, I know by far it doesn't overall depend on how things turn out because some children are just unable to progress depending on how severe their issues are, but I do believe that even at Jeremiah's age, he pushes against me to see when I will back down and not make him try harder. I have to admit that I am VERY hard on him and at times I just have to cry along with him. I want him to be the very best he can be and do the very best he can do, so if that means that he doesn't like at times then so be it, but one day he will thank me (hopefully).

On to being circumcised... He is going at 8 in the morning and I actually found a doctor how will do it without putting him to sleep. Jeremiah tends to get sick from the anesthesia and sometimes his oxygen drops, so I definitely preferred he not be put to sleep.
I've been informed that they will numb him and keep him occupied with a sucker while doing it. I pray for strength to get me through this tomorrow and that he won't feel any pain or be traumatized by it. I probably will go back with him, even though I've heard not to. There hasn't been a procedure other than his surgeries that I haven't been there with him and I can't imagine I would start now. As hard as it will be, I will get through it because he will not have to be alone with people he doesn't know.

I'll update tomorrow on how this experience goes. Send up prayers for us please. God Bless